SUMC

I have officially been inducted, the welcome mat has been rolled out, and Im leading the red carpet.

Welcome to the SUMC!!!! damn damn damn damn damn.

I have now joined the ranks of familial statistics!!!

Even greater, I have added to the sterotypical banter of what a girl growing up in DC is supposed to be.

Here is the list

Frances,
Annie Mae,
Rosalee,
Jackie,
Lesee,
Angie,
Darlene,
Moochie,
Key,
Krystal,
Sonnie,
Erycka,
Sade,
Angelica,

and now me...

This list spans over three genertations of Seabrons who have at some point in life been an active member of the SUMC


Now although we know history does indeed repeat itself,

I'll be damned, and I refuse to continue the cycle,
IT WILL be broken, and it stops here!!!
I'm going to do everything in my power to make the CHANGE, lol.

I know I sound cliche' but really God doesnt make mistakes and I believe this is my assignment...

Welcome to the Single Unwed Mothers Club

Meet Cinnamon

Hello world meet Cinnamon, she is brand new to the family and yes Maya unfortunately you are going to have to learn to say Cinnamon. Yay mommy for my early Christmas present!!!

Cinnamon say hi,

she says Hi.

Parents do the darnedest things...

Ok, its official, all parents are crazy, the stuff that they should get upset and disown you for they take you for a walk in a peach tree grove and for silly stuff that you think they wont blow up over its the beginning of the next world war. And for that you GOTTA LOVE EM! Cause they got your back when you really need them no matter what! Although they might fuss over the silly stuff they know just what to do when the real stuff hits. They say we as the kids do the darnedest thing but the parentals have us beat!

The Greatest thing...

...you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Yum

I'm gonna eat some captain crunch berries, pack my snacks for the rest of the day and get ready for choir.

I think..

I wanna learn, to knit....
lol, dont judge me...

and yes I will make socks for little feet.

Ha ha ha ha ha

So life is hil f'n larious cause, ha ha she just has such a great sense of humor. Ha ha she is irony, sarcasm, and wit all warped in one big ball of fun......


Its been awhile but life just got real.

Frankie is still sick and she doesn't know how she is gonna manage to pull herself up and do all the shit she has to do 2nite. Its gonna be a rough one....

I didnt even blog today but i can keep my compsoure and wriete a bollflg

The only 3

So I read both of yall blogs and omg Im feelin yall in all aspects umm its weird cause its like we are all at that place in our life right now where its just IDK stagnant. Ive felt like this for a looonnngggg time and stagnancy in my book usually leads me to feeling purposeless BUT Ive just recently decided to have some hope. I mean Dori your father can probably run laps around me in the advice department but hey here is a little bit: HOPE! And Maya mundane people and just the same ole shit everyday, Im witcha bruh! Im just looking for that thing that's different, that's gonna pop out at me and say YES FRANKIE! But I guess thats the problem, lets create our own epiphany instead of waiting for it. Lets be contructive and stop being lazy and do something. Shit lets make a band, write some songs, record some shit. Lets DO something. we all know that school alone doesnt fill that spot. to be honest I just cant get hard off it, school moves to slow for my mind. and to be honest yall the only niggas that can keep my attention. LOL. So I come today saying I understand where you coming from so lets get up and makes some plans for where we are about to go. Encourage eachother and act a damn fool at the same time, We are the Crayonz and music is our boyfriend so FUCK NIGGAS and GET MONEY! lol anyway yall know what I mean tho. I love yall hoes especially since we are the only 3 that still blog.

So WHAT!

I hate formal presentations I have yet to make it into a Public Speaking class and I have no idea how im gonna make it through! ahhhhhhh. anyway Mr man you can shove it and yes I know I said umm 20 times! And yes I was nervous you are just angry because Im intelligent young beautiful and articulate and you are just riff raff! Ok I think im done.

Plesant Surprise

A very pleasant night I must say. Breath of fresh air, although brisk, still refreshing indeed. In fact I dont think I feel inclined to write about it, I think Ill just ever so silently reflect and bask in the unmarked possibilities.

Nite

Dancing Machine

Dancing! Dancing!! Dancing!!! Doing the butt dun dun dun da. Yea bruh I am a dancing extrodinaire ask dori I raped that Christmas dance. chea!!!!

Everything happens for a reason. Right?

Sometimes I wonder about the phrase "everything happens for a reason" Now granted Im a forgetful person but she really coulda let me go. I sit back and wonder what was the purpose of that, was I supposed to learn some great and valuable lesson or is it just added torture to an already miserable existence. Dont get me wrong Im handling this much better than usual Frankie would. By now I would have cried and told the girl off for not letting me have my way. So I guess we'll call them growing pains. Ill suck it up and just say I need to be more responsible and less forgetful. Ehh this amount of maturity is scary for me. Nobody to blame but me, and even further not eactly blaming myself but just owning up to it and doing something about it. TAKE THAT BPD TAKE THAT RIGHT IN THE ASS, lol.

PS. Guys Im ok, and no I didnt break down.

toodles

I never get tired of this

I love this poem, cause its so short and sweet and there isnt nothing I can do to change it..


Acoustic guitars play in the foreground of my mind

The lullaby of wood and strings intertwine

As they captivate me and pull with a sweet dissonance

Resolve will you not, oh chord in my dream

Or will you leave me hanging over the clef

Trying to find my tonal center

Cobbler

The poem I was talking about from last night, enjoy!


1 My emotions are the river that drown me,

the sea consuming Ph 2, ocean everflowing, undertaking.

2 He wouldn’t love me even if I was 5’11,

browned skinned and the sweetest thing he’s ever…

3 graced with the touch of his tongue,

even if he’d brought his ears to focus on the vibration of my tone,

rested his cornea on the vision of my splendidness,

and laid down his hand upon my skin with such gentleness

that it was forceful sending pulses through me making his aroma

engrained in my nostrils never forgetting his scent.

4 Only if he’d have me…to where I could hear his touch,

every stroke sending a sound wave to my brain,

taste his fragrance that lingers like a bad habit atop my skin.

5 Jonathan A. Campbell, Miami Beach Florida Summer 2001

6 But of course he would love me and I am emotionally sound

7 I was approaching the cliff of sorrow,

filled with mother's voices trying to soothe the sobs

of their nightmare stricken children.

Nightmares as horrid as licking the point of a thousand needles...

8 Slick,

9 If you put the apples in the trunk you won’t ever find the apple tree

10 But all the jive turkeys stand under the peach trees

11 The green fruit of individualism, what we most strive for

12 Because we all gather on the thin line of reproach and dive

13 We can even grow tails and tell tales of how they swung just like

14 Frankie,

cause she is always trying to make it make sense

15 We will go to the edge of misery only to come back again emptier than before

16 Capable men and those we thought strong will fall to their knees

17 Men waffle in storybooks and beasts angle toward charms

18 And they SHOUT! “Vita brevis ars longa”

19 As the forbidden fruit opens its stomata to breath to me

“Love Thyself, Know Oneself, Be Yourself” the fruit speaks!

20 The turkeys still gathering peaches to plum the moon.

Upset! (slick, so oh well)

Frankie is mad that everybody is too busy living life to actually sit down and blog. So I guess its up to me to break the anti-blog frenzie. So anyway I guess I'll be cliche' and tell about my day. My day was actually GOOD! Lol isnt that amazing? I had a wonderful day actually, and I laughed and smiled more than I have in a looooonnnnnggggg time! It felt great to smile and actually mean it! OMG I actually came back to my room and stayed up, usually I miserably just hop in my bed and sleep life away. NOT TODAY SAID I! lol ok that was random and corny. oh well. Ok I guess im done, imma try to finish this poem thats due tomorrow when Im done Ill post it.

toodles

Its time

I know Ive been like this for a long time, but I think its time to get a hold on life.

So its time...

to get help
to have hope
to dream once more
to love myself
to wake up
to think good thoughts
to live my life
to walk into my purpose
to have faith in that purpose
to pray a little harder
to have some faith
to leave the baggage behind
to stop the pessimism
to rid myself of the nightmares
to talk
to let it all out
to SCREAM IT OUT
to get rid of it all
to stop holding myself back
to look above
to know I'm loved
to not give up
to know that with each day God gives us knew grace and new mercy
to know that he was right, and tell him so
to thank him for his love
to thank him for his help and earnest
to tell him sorry
to love him still
to smile like I used to....and mean it


and for that tattoo, lol

Love Thyself, Know Oneself, Be Yourself


















-Frankie

Singular Form Please

So I know Jedi is the plural form so whats the singular form

Jedee
Jedo
Jedie
Jede'
Jed

Im confused....

Disappearing Act

This was gonna be a poem but I just dont have the energy to do it today. Im numb and just maybe the world would have changed by tomorrow, lol

Ill sleep on it............again

Cat Found!!!

Ok this was from dori's fav facebook group hilarious.

Dick

Josh is a dick him and Sam can go butt fuck in the back alley!

Fuck Sam...

So I ate sushi and died again last night. I hate Sam's, I mean he is a cool guy but the sushi is terrible. I miss Rusan he always did me right. Sam its all your fault I was stuck in bed sick last night bruh, it aint even right.....

Nothing...

Lol, its funny cause right now I have nothing to blog about, life is goin pretty well (or my thoughts rather) and even though i didnt quite make it through "Up from slavery" I still have this really crazy feeling like everything is gonna be alright...

Sorry but...

Im tired of you and your "everything under the sun revolves around me, including the sun itself" type of attitude. The shit gets old quick. And to be FRANK, lol Ive never been the type to put up with people when I come to realize they possess those "its my way" qualities. I dont have to deal with it I will chuck a quick duece and be out that piece, not a care in the world. Cause sometimes thats just the way shit goes. Sorry if you dont like it but these childish antics have to stop, and I repeat: Im so over it, the shit gets old quick.

Bus Ride blog interrupted

You run into the darnest things riding the TSU shuttle...

But omg PAUSE my two roomies who are Best Friends from Highschool, A and B room are getting into it. OMG they are arguing and IDK if Im supposed to be hearing this. B room is like "talk to me " while A room is like "I dont always have to do what you want to do." Now B room is about to cry and A room really doesnt care and it all started with a simple how was your day from B room that A room took as her being sarcastic. WOW. I really didnt mean to interrupt but Im hungry and they are in the kitchen cooking. AWKWARD!

They are still arguing but im tired of listening B room is slamming shit in the kitchen its getting outta hand. B room just started crying. She is sad cause they are spose to be best friends and they dont do anything together anymore, B room is saying they barely speak anymore.
Ok really Im tired of listening, and they are still arguing im done and Im bout to make my cous cous...

OMG B room just swore on her fathers grave and I quote "AM I LYING ON MY DADDY"S GRAVE" A room just told B room "I'm FUCKIN DONE!" "Im done, Im done I need to breathe" I think she just broke up with her....

Ok a bitch gotta eat IM DONE TOO A ROOM, cause I cant listen to this shit anymore...


.....................exhale................................

So about the bus ride, you find the funniest shit riding the shuttle...
I was in front of the performing arts when I saw the shuttle driving by he stopped to drop off some people and I asked him if he was goin to the apts, he said yes so I got on. I could tell he was a little irritated kinda hasty blowing the horn at people and what not. I was guessing his shift was over and her was ready to go. So we get to the apts and he almost rides past Ford and he says "Oh sorry hunny I almost forgot about you back there" He makes the turn into the lot and I say "Thank you so much and have a nice day" he replies "No problem, now, If you were one of them ugly girls I wouldntna picked you up" ha ha ha ha

OMG tlk about the creepiest thing ever....
Ok Im done time to eat and get to choir

Roomies....cont.

Meeting?

Deemed: Utterly pointless

Roomies....

DAMN its time for the roomate meeting, I was hoping to avoid this shit, I shoulda stayed my ass out somewhere, but its too cold to just be out somewhere, well we will see how this goes

"DOWN WITH THE BITCHES AND THE HOES"

Broken Pieces

Im trying to break away from thinking I need to be around people to be happy, I did just fine by myself when I was by myself and I need to do the same now, almost like a security blanket, cause one day these people might leave and then what? That means I'll be left with them gone and a piece of me missing too, so Im trying not to give too much of that piece. Cause in the end it causes too much trouble and an abundance of heartache.


No more broken pieces

cause I dont no how long this ragged heart can stand

And pretend that it can withstand your penetration

Your determination to infiltrate its core and manipulate what it emotes

Flooding and draining its ventricles with such deceit

Coating the aorta with un-oxygenated blood, suffocating

Oh heart beat once more with pure unadulterated blood

Before you begin to pump the iron and ice that has breached

the veins before it can reach the brain

OH PUMP ONCE MORE HEART THAT WHICH IS PURE AND TRUE

because once these vessels melanize, not only has it got you

...but its got me too

FREE R. KELLY !!!!

I was going through some files and found the whole first season of boondocks in my videos. LOL I kno dnt judge me. But here is one of my fav episodes.
Season 1 episode 2: The Trial of R. Kelly

And remember

"An injustice anywhere is an injustice anywhere"

-Sista Soulja as quoted by R. Kelly

But Blogger wouldnt let me uplopad it in one file cause it was too big and I dnt know how to break it down so I just stole em from youtube, lol.

In memory of...

Toshiba, poor forsaken Toshiba for she is coming to her end, fate has her string of life and the scissors are about to clamp down.

How bout some truth

I still feel weird when I see Marlena, yes every single time, she is a huge walking, no swimming, awkward turtle. and my ear hurts I've been messing with it, almost time for choir, ehh. And i think im coming on, ehh. Srry maybe too much truth.

ta ta for now

Food for thought

Quick note: Im in class and my teacher jus stated

"In 1945 the world became bi-polar"



He' s African by the way....

Mid-day Blues

TSU administration pisses me off! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I cant even be mad anymore im just frustrated, I cursed that lady out so bad in my head on my way to class. Oh the fuck well cause that anouncement will not be made in Hale Hall, Hale nawww! Then on my way walking down the hill my ass tripped over my feet and stumbled, twisted my ankle, and then I jus sat down in the grass.... I tripped like that model that was on the news a few years back..terrible


sigh and this left boot just will not stay up, exposing this damned polka dot yellow sock!!!! Im bout to take my quiz, damn.

Bus ride

OMG I really hate when I get anxious over the dumbest things. So I caught the shuttle to school this morning and instead of being dropped off at the circle I needed to be dropped off at hale. But instead of saying something at the beginning like everybody else, I turn the idea over in my head the entire ride causing myself to become nervous about asking the driver to drop me off at hale! So we approach the circle and I become more and more nervous thinking "Oh no I have to ask him now" luckily someone else needed to be dropped off over here too and all I had to add was a nervous "me too". Oh the things I put myself through....

Pinky

Here's another one, LOL!
OH NO PINKY!!!!!!!!




Dont judge me yes there is a cat in here!

WHY?????

Can someone please tell me why I've spent the last two hours looking at cat video's on youtube. WHY LORD?????!!!! WWWWHHHHHYYYYYY!!!!!!!!????????




OMG HERE IS ANOTHER ONE!

So this morning Josh and I sat down and watched The Notebook for the first time. What a beautiful love story and I must say we both cried... nuff said... yea we were some punks but you would be a punk too if you watched it with somebody you have loved and almost lost, but miraculously it was rekindled. Again, what a beautiful love story.

Wanderer

I am a wanderer. Sometimes I can disappear for hours without a care in the world. The funny part is that the world is my care, the troubles, the happiness, the ups and downs of life. Sometimes I just disappear and ponder, sometimes I actually want people to find me...

It all depends on the subject of my ponderance.
Is that even a word? lol who cares...

ta ta for now

Change?

At the beginning of the election when the democrats hadnt even chosen a presidential candidate, the pro-obama rally in my heart was at an all time high but gradually it started to decrease; not because I had any less faith in the man who would become the first black president, but because I felt that people were only jumping on the Obama wagon because of the color of his skin. I fought with this because the ignorance of my people had begun to over take me. I was angry with them because if Barack was white I doubt how many of them would even know what CNN is; or how many of them would even care about voting let alone politics. So I asked myself does it make it ok that many of them are only voting for him based upon the color of his skin. I mean Obama is not JESUS by any means, I was so angry because black people just couldnt see that he is not the Messiah! Obama became so commercial and popularized I felt like I didnt want to be apart of the new Obama rage, the fad that had taken the black communties by storm. "BLING YOUR OBAMA T SHIRT" flashed across the screen of the college crib advertisement. By that time I was through, now granted this didnt mean that my vote would be swayed it just meant that I wasnt as active as I could have been; I tend to shy away from things that I deem NORMAL! I dont do it on purpose it just happens that way. It wasnt until last night that I was finally enlightened:

Yes many of my peers may have voted for Obama solely based on his race but how many times in history have whites voted against blacks for this same reason. How many times were we seen as inferior and treated as such. As i saw student after student pour out of their apartments jumping for joy screaming, crying, laughing, and calling loved ones, it made a difference in my life. Students running and chanting together "Im so glad my President is Black". Walking from TSU to Fisk cheering and basking in the glory of what will go down in history!!!!


Obama made a DIRECT difference in my LIFE!


Just when I thought life wasnt worth living anymore the current events have allowed me to realize the selfishness of my thoughts and my actions. A new hope, a new birth of optimism has taken over me. I can love people a little more, be a little nicer, give a little better, and just live a greater life. Its almost surreal, I woke up this morning thinking "did it really happen?" And when I realized the black hole that usually wakes up with me each morning had gone, I knew it was true. I slept nightmare free last night, and it was wonderful.

So thank you Obama, thank you TSU, and thank you America.

If the punishment wasn't eternity in hell, I think I'd actually do it...
aspirin and cuervo ready...

Yayy Art

Art gallery here we come, field trip anyone?

Boyfriend neone cont...

And I dont think he likes us much...

oh well

Boyfriend neone?

umm iono wut the hell is wrong with me. Im honestly upset and kinda mad right now. But I cant tell you why. All i know is that I wanna be loud, rude, curse and wreck havoc on something, someone, somewhere. Iono if I like Maya's new boo, he aiight but it takes me 4ever to warm up to people. I wanted to go to the student center today but there was jus no time. This day was full and it went by fast. Not to mention me and Josh arent the best of friends right now but hey, iono. Autumn was breating all on his arm today and she actually touched him. ehh. me and dori were freakin awesome today but thaas it. That was the best part of my day. ehh.

Frankador, Dorifran, Micinique, Lancele, lol nevamind

So I know this girl and she is freakin awesome. we are similar in alot of ways but we are different. But sometmes we are so alike that its scary lol. Sometimes we say the same sentences at the same time with the exact same inflections. This girl is gonna kill me cause my last sentence had no commas; she is a grammar freak, jus like me. Im coming to realize how so very special she is to me. Not that i didnt  know before but the likeness is uncanny. Its so weird. She is my twin from another mother, a completely different city, different upbringings and we are the same person. She is in some way referenced in 4 out of the 6 posts on my blog and since you are here at this very moment this post makes it 5. 

I heart her cause she is the best, my twin, Dori t.  

In my mind

Good and evil, dark and light are one I the same…

So I really don’t like this topic but because I don’t have money for books this is the only one I over heard because I was half listening. I don’t believe this topic in fact I think jus the opposite. I tried to make myself see their perspective but it didn’t work. Maybe if they explained what they meant. I tried to take it as negation but that didn’t work either cause if light and dark and good and evil cancel eachother out wut will be left? I keep thinking of black and white I mean will the universe jus be gray? Lolol its so weird to think about it. I love my friends but they are entirely exhausting. I don’t like this exercise. Its dumb. I see where she is comin from but its still dumb. Ha! Ive been told I create good images, but iono cause its jus me bein me. My writing teacher is weird cause you cant really grade poetry but if you could I wonder what grades I would have received. My phone is completely off. Isn’t it sad? : ( but yea iono. Josh gave me and assignment of writing a poem by sat. ehh sometimes I wish I could just pry into other people’s head space to see what they’re thinking. That would be revolutionary and I’d be able to understand people so much more. Not that I don’t get them jus that its hard for me to care if they don’t catch my interest. And that concept I know is somewhat self centered but idk how to come outta my own head space. I think that’s part of the reason im such an individual cause I do wut I do and I like what I like and if you don’t do it or don’t like it. Oh the fuck well ho cause this is me. (dori moment) lol. So I guess ill blog this free write. Why not?

Running

I run away from everything...
I run from happiness
I run from pain
I run from reality
I run from my dreams
I run from nightmares
I run from my talent
I run from my failures
I run from my family
I run from my friends
I run from my life

and life runs from me...

So oh well

Me and dori jus had an epiphany. So now my version of it is:

so oh well

A title cause dori made me put one

Im not exactly sure how I feel, its kinda random actually but I know I just feel like writing. ha ha its funny cause as much as it can appear like everything is alright there is always something wrong in the back of everyones head.

So lets get nitty gritty honest...

Im not satisfied with life
Im not satisfied with school
I know somewhere and somehow there is so much more for me
I hate the mundane
Im falling into a routine and coincidently its routinely ruining my life

ha!

I think im in my own world all the damn time, its so hard to see outside yourself

Ideal life?

Somewhere warm, nice breeze, beautifully green, picking berries, writing, making music, making love, loving life

So I guess this is my version of this that and the other, point blank period, and ready set go, and in actuality I need a really fetch title to make it all fit but I cant think of one.

so oh well

Parties???

I feel like a party promoter: The destroyer of collegiate success, the scum of academic achievement.

Well fuhdahsheeit

You know I really see why people have so much drama in their lives. they have drama cause they want drama. I'm sorry but I did nothing to you and you arent gonna make me feel like I need to get on my knees and grovel just so you can part your lips to speak to me. In fact you're doing just the opposite, you are making me dislike you, ok to get to the core of how you are really making me feel toward you, you are making me detest your very existence and other people like you, you are like rotting meat and no one like rotting meat. lol. Ok maybe tht that bad but you sure are getting on my damned nerves. And I almost spoke to you today, then I caught myself cause I had to think and remember that you werent speaking to me, lol. You see how dumb this is? It is a natural thing for me to want to speak, im so used to it but i have to censor myself because you decided to be mad at me for no reason. And even if in some way I did offend you the grown up thing to do is to inform me of my offense. Not walk around with an attitude cause you are the only one mad sweetie not me. But yea it only takes once to cross me, you had your chance, so even wen you are done with your fit, we are through.

dori moment
P.S. I think ill speak to you anyway just to be spiteful, lol

P.S.S. sprngohsisgahprahlums

fuhdatsheeit and gitdafuhovaitho

Birds

Anxious, pounding, fearful

crawling, falling, failing

reasoning, rationing,

But getting nowhere..

From time to time I have these motivational spurts where I feel like i can do anything and everything. And from time to time I become so apathetic that I feel like I will literally sleep life away.

I feel guilty when..

I miss class

I eat too much 

I don't pray

I think mean thoughts

I say things without processes them

I get really angry

Where I need to be?

Somewhere in the middle

But birds can fly so high or they can shit on your head...but when you look at them and you see that they're beautiful thats how I feel about.....life

dori moment

So Josh and I are eating lunch we just sat down in the sub after getting our food. Then the random ass light skinned african from choir comes and sits down at our table. Talkin bout "WASSUP MY CHOIR PEOPLE" Nigga yo ass aint even in choir no more and you defintely werent invited to sit down at our table. But thanks for inviting yourself and runing my lunch with your "so hows the weather" random convo. And no I dont have a music appreciation book for yo ass, its on ebay. pay for it ho!

Billy

Here is the poem I was working on, I finally finished it... well I might work on it more but here goes..


Billy

He walks the 4 blocks it takes to reach the corner gas station
Purchases his pack of vanilla blunts
Ready to spark
And go away where it won’t hurt no more
Where the cold aint cold no more
Where the dreams aint broke no more
Cause the tears wont fall no more
He leaves knowin he has not the time
For shallow thoughts and petty exertions

On his way, he meets his good friend, Reality
He looks up cause the junkie marks the spot
Passes off the rock, pockets the 20
Passes off the 20, cause Sonnie
Used all her food stamps and the baby is hungry
He continues on his way
Knowin in his heart that this life wont pay
But he prays this one last meeting
Will seal the deal

He heard stories of the “king of crack”
Who built a narcotical dynasty
Created an army of addicts
Billy wants this to be his destiny
To run the trade, rule the streets
From Baltimore City to Washington, DC
Edmond approaches and Billy examines
Make the wrong move
And guns will be ablaze

Its hazy at first,
Rayful Edmonds true intent
But greetings are sent
And Billy’s stance becomes less intense
Edmond grows fond of him
Business interactions and agreements
Begin to send Billy up the chain of command
Trades in DC, Baltimore, NY, Carolina

Life’s lookin up and the papers stackin too
Until DCPD gets hold of the spill
Edmond gets life, no parole
Billy, 20 with good behavior 15
Now Sonnie is left with baby,
No father on the scene


-----------------------------------------------------------------

Look what i found on the internet last night when I was doin my research...

gangstabooks.com

Author JB brings you Dope Boys Volume I, the tales of the most infamous figures in the history of the illegal drug trade. Read about players that made millions and billions of dollars in the dope game. Dope Boys Volume I contains short biographies of over 31 major drug trafficking individuals and organizations. Below is a list of profiles covered in the book.

Billy Guy
A Bronx, New York resident that set up a profitable heroin operation in Baltimore.


Im pretty sure this is my dad, i have searched on the internet but I cant seem to find anymore information about him.

Marriage???

So im coming to realize that value's in the south are so much different than home. Marriage is like a common thing among the young. Its just so weird cause I almost feel like that's what's expected of me. Now granted, Josh and I are doing much better our relationship has reached new heights and in God things are how they are supposed to be. I dont see how anyone would choose to do it any other way. Well ok I lied I do see how they can because I did it for a long time. I did what I wanted to do, i was disobedient and I was punished for it more than most would ever know. But at the end of the day God's grace is so much more rewarding. Doing things for "right way" for lack of a better phrase is worth it. I'm just so happy that God has blessed us with each other. So I digress as for this marriage thing, OMG everybody is married!!!! And its kinda creepy. I guess its like a pregnancy scare, you never realize how many people are pregnant until you think you are yourself!! Lol and im saying this to say, you never really realize how many people are married until you consider it yourself.....

ha ha yes I know what you're thinking. So Frankie are you considering marriage, the one who always says she will probably just end up alone with three cats.

Lets just say I'm giving it thought and its actually more of a possibility than I have ever given thought. Marriage was just never one of those things I took seriously. And now since its becoming more of a reality I don't think its such a bad idea.

So now your thinking, this could only mean one thing.

Yes this means that I am absolutely and positively in love with Josh. I have let myself fall, I have let myself go. But guess what? God's got me, and since he said its gonna be alright than I have enough faith and I actually have the audacity to believe him. Cause even if by some small chance Josh does let me fall, guess who will always catch me?


Yep, you got it.

Bout time!!!

Im so proud of all my babies who finally changed their layout srry guys but tht shizz was gettin old!!!!!! Shouts out to Turq, Gent, and Wink, love you guys we will be 2gether again very soon. Miss ya!!!!

Brutal Honesty

Many times when we depart I feel so unfulfilled, I feel empty, and still feel lonely. I dont feel secure in us, I dont feel like you care as much. I dont feel like you listen to me. We leave eachother unhappily. We need to work on this thing called effective communication and we just dont have it. Alot of the time we run eachother away. At this very moment if I were to be honest I feel like I dont want to be with you at all... so im stuck once again being misunderstood.

Jus me

Ha, its funny how nobody in the world will ever truly understand you except for God. I believe that you can relate to everyone even in the smallest way, its true that you will relate more to some than others but still in some way you can relate. The thing about it is that as much as you do relate to a person they will never truly know and understand the workings of you. So you are stuck being misunderstood, now you can do two things about this which I was forced to learn at an early age

1) You can allow your differences from the so called "norm" to get to you, and you can allow people to make you feel bad because you are so

OR

2) You can take your differences in strides and be ur freakin self, and love yourself in spite of what people may say or think about you.

LOL, Ive have chosen the later of the two, and chances are the very people who dnt understand you or except you for ur differences want to be just like you. Besides its better to live a life with a few friends and be true to yourself rather than have many friends and have to fake the funk. Trying to be something or someone you aren't is exhausting and very unfulfilling. So the next time you see me and think to yourself, "Frankie is weird" just know that yes indeed I am weird, and I love myself, just the way I and that's something that no one can ever take away from me. You may not always understand me, you may think I'm different and weird but hey this is me. Take me or leave cause either way Ill still love me, and quite frankly Ill still love you too...

Rainbows

I am Lavender as a supple scent,

Periwinkle as the twilight sky,

Turquoise as the clearest ocean,

Magenta as whatever my heart desires,

Blue, green, yellow, orange, red, crimson, gold, mahogany, silver

And it is asking for him

but…

As the paint is chipped from the surface

You see without hazed vision

You hear without the sounds stifled

And he seeks that which is bound

Trapped between these walls

Struggling to push out my burdens

And lay them waste deep on the floor

So that they may not consume me

However, the world is becoming bleaker by the second

And soon the tears will be running

Down my face falling into a pool of shear disappointment

I was not yet ready for this appointment with reality

I was not yet ready to face me and the things that lye dormant

The fear……..….the regret………..the torment

Of knowin you feel me

But with me you cannot be wholehearted

Instead I Get Pieces.....

Of a broken past, these pieces from a mending heart

Trying to fix a puzzle that I didn’t start, didn’t ask to finish

But I digress, you see I'm trying not to stress

I just need to release before I let my love for you damage me

And make me incapable of falling in love with you

What do you do when your emotions are chocked up

And all you see is the dark tunnel,

no light….no sight……just black………how do you get back to

That happy place, that excited state,

where the world was your playground

and it didn’t take much for it to turn and go round

How do you get back without becoming a victim of your own demise?

I need some where to put all the baggage because

with each God forsaken decrepit day

Im feeling the saggage of love lost and relationships spoiled

Your mind is your greatest weapon and your path to destruction

You reap what you think.

And my mind is not in the greatest condition right now

So instead of Lavender scents and periwinkle skies

Its more dead puppies and gray scale rainbows

Consistency

One thing that I really cannot stand is inconsistency, especially if two people are supposed to be treated as equals. You cannot do something one day and wen the other persons does it, have a problem with it, be consistent. Again I say be effin CONSISTENT! Don’t say you are gonna do something and never call or show up, be consistent!!!!!!!! I beseech, behoove, and beg of you my brethren to be consistent!!!

Furthermore people make time for what really matters to them. A simple txt message, 30 sec of your day will not kill you! Even if the fallacy only occurred once, it only takes one time to get AIDS, it only takes one hurricane to drown a city, it only took one plane each to make the twin towers fall. You see where I'm going with this? So yea one time does count, if its remarkable enough it will stick with you. When your life gets too busy for the people you "so called" care about you should really reevaluate what is important. Life wasn’t too busy for dinner and video games was it? But everything is too busy for me right? Yea, back to that consistency theory, you should try it.

To be honest all I really want (as I was telling Dori earlier) is someone to play in my hair and tell me I'm pretty; someone to actually act like they care and not continually poke and prod at me with erroneously requests to things that are usually the norm. For you to take out some time in your busy day to say HI FRANKIE!!! Let alone give me a hug, and no you did not hug me, I remember. Next time instead of being nice about it, be consistent and say Bitch get OUT!, it'll make me feel 10x better that you were honest about your true intent instead of being led astray. Oh and another clue: when women run away, men chase after them, cause if you keep letting them go, eventually they wont come back.

"The scary thing about flying is that as wondeful as it feels, the idea of falling is always present. Yet I believe that together our hope and belief in flying is much greater than our fear of falling. All the more not to shy away from the wind, currents of change, problems, and disagreements, but to use it to fly even higher together."

-J. Allen

Dear lord

Dear lord, jus take it all away.

Oh how I just wish to be a tree, a blade of grass proud and strong, a cloud drifting toward nowhere and everywhere simultaneously, to be one with the element with nature instead of this humanly flesh. But you made me this way for a purpose and I hope that purpose I will fulfill. Just show me the way oh lord, the way in which you would have me go. At this time I need guidance, I am broken lord and I cannot put the pieces back together all alone. As soon as I pick up one piece another falls.
Oh how I just wish to be a butterfly colorful and free, a bird singing gleefully in the breeze, to be one with the ocean a continuous flow. But you called me to such a life as this for a reason and that reason I pray to uphold. Oh God of all things just help me at this time oh lord I have nowhere else to turn nowhere to go.

This cant be real

Wow I really feel like crying, my ipod just broke... It wasnt like that 24 hrs ago, i took it outta my purse and it was broken. life will never be the same

Acoustic Love pt 2

Acoustic guitars play in the foreground of my mind
The lullaby of wood and strings intertwine
As they captivate me and pull with a sweet dissonance
Resolve will you not, oh chord in my dream
Or will you leave me hanging over the clef
Trying to find my tonal center

There is something that is ever so powerful in the musical experience, music, poetry, writing, painting, drawing, drama, all of the arts I feel like I have gotten a piece of them and can somehow string them together to make something great.

But this post is not about me so i digress...

More so it is about the musical experience, I dont know how many of you have felt this sensation but it is one of power. The sheer eclecticisms and beauty of making music is an unspeakable thing. I almost cannot put in into words. But I'll try

Acoustic guitars play in the foreground of my mind
and with its melody I am smitten

The only utterances spilling from my lips are those of musical addition
simple rhythmic harmony

Let the music take your soul, Let the music take your soul, and let its content spill from you with no bounds

Leap into forward motion with creative thought and unorthodox ideology, Let the music take your soul

To where you thought you'd never go, you want to stay and go away with the melody that has been in your heart

The melody you've only ever dreamed of...

And that didnt even do it justice, so where did this all come from?

Well Josh and I went to cafe coco last night to grab some food and get some homework done. We sat in the back where they usually have jam sessions and what not. So there is this kid with his acoustic guitar and he has a group of friends with him and they are just jammin. And Im feelin it so I start quietly singing to the beat he's playing you know nothing serious just playing around. So Josh was like "why dont you go over there". I replied "No I cant" laughing to myself. "Why not?" he asked in response I say "well because I just cant and besides its getting late we have go and get some work done"

So we are on our way out and guess what he does!!!!!??????!!!!! He stops right before we are leaving and strikes up a convo with the guy. I was like oh no! So they are small talking about Boodie's performance at coco's last month and some other things so Josh says "Oh yea you know she sings" and points to me. I was like OMG i cant believe he just did that. To make a long story short, I wound up singing with the guy, just free flowing all about the music no pretense no pressure, just a genuine an honest love and enjoyment for the craft, and it clicked.

Thats what its about, its about the art and the enjoyment of it, as long as you love what you are doing how can you go wrong, just keep an honest and sincere heart and you wont be led astray.

But I will admit you have to be careful because things like music connect people especially when they are doing it together. Me and the guy were running back and forth and there is a deeper connection when you are feelin the vibe. Its like multiple musical orgasms...lol

But anyway it was a great experience, dont ever be afraid to do whats in your heart

All she wrote...

What I am trying to compel people to understand is that I am using this as an outlet a tool to focus my innermost thoughts and energies toward. I am indeed a very poetic and dramatic person so my words will be crafted as such. And thats all she wrote...

Some of our greatest inspiration comes from our greatest failure...

So I thought I could dance

....Then I realized I can't.

Sooo I guess I read minds too!

So if you are feeling something and you dont say anything how is the person ever suppose to know. Goodness! Im so sick of bullshit that its not funny. Yes I am a woman, Yes I am fucking emotional especially when I see the people around me hurting and/or am hurting myself. I dont have time to explain myself when you dont even have time to tell me the damn issue

I wanna scream and say fuck it all.

So here goes

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

and FUCK IT!!!

Scattered thoughts, Unstable mind

I hate coming back to my room, it depresses me... I haven't cried in a few days I think I'll just sit and have a good cry.




There, now I feel a bit worse, ha ha.

There is a wasp on the wall. Sigh Thats the second one I think they have a nest or coven or whatever you call it, somewhere nearby. Whatever if I get stung and whatever if I dont, it doesnt matter. I just wish it'd shut up its damned noise, Ill just turn my music up.

This constant compromise between thinking and breathing...

I feel so blah

Biology, Spanish, English Oh My!

So I'm sitting in Ecology, a class created by the system to torture us young and oh so innocent Bio majors and the occasional and unsuspecting non-majors that float in here and there. And I've decided I'm not gonna be a Bio major anymore! LOL I'm changing my major, the idea of it is scary isn't it? But to be honest with myself it's not where my heart is. I shouldn't dread coming to class because later in life I will dread going to work. Its at this time in life that we carve the shell of our destiny; what we choose now sets the path for our future. So I haven't decided exactly what I'm gonna do, I'm thinking on the lines of Poetic Singer Songwriter Spanish Speaking Extraordinaire. LOL Silly I know. The good part is, I'm a double major so I'm going to keep my Spanish major, drop Biology and I'm contemplating adding English.

Backbone

Niggas aint got no backbone, yea I said it, and yea I mean it. Niggas is shady, indecisive, trifflin, stupid, and they are always gonna want what they never had. Yea I may sound like an angry black woman right now but there is a reason so many of us are angry. Cause dudes aint got they shit straight and we the "good girls" gotta pay for what some other bitch did. Fuck the otha bitch cause its me now, and the longer you dont realize it the quicker you will loose this good thing...

This is for all the niggas who aint got no backbone that includes the ones who been talking to ya girl for a year and still wont commit talkin bout they jus wanna have they fun, that includes the niggas who wont call they girl all week knowin she been sick, can a bitch jus get some cambels soup, let alone a phone call or maybe thas askin too much. This also includes the nigga who jus wont tell that clingy nappy headed heifer to go to fuck home and stop showin up at his house, I mean keep it simple I'd jus give her a "Bitch get out" but than again thas jus me. This includes the ones that will break up with ya girl for no apparent reason knowing she carried ya seed and stood by your ass and you still did her dirty. And also all the niggas that be blowin up ya girl's phone askin when we gonna hang out, grow some balls, betta yet get some Viagra and grow a dick. This includes all the bitches that did these "potentially good men" dirty leaving us to clean it up.

So fuck all you sheisty, illegitamite, arrogant, and sometimes just down right mean Niggas. Cause you will always want what you almost but never had!
Im chunkin the deuces, Peace.

You melt my heart to stone...

Sigh........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ now breathe

Trouble Sleeping

Its hard to be brutally honest with yourself when you never know exactly what ur feeling or even why you feel the way you do. The feeling of no matter how happy you seem there is always this burning sadness somewhere in your heart. I don't know where this came from or when it started its just always been there. Slowing consuming me, and I think I can honestly contribute my happiness to my everlasting sorrow. This hole that lies dormant in my heart forces the greater good out of me. Otherwise I'd be and i quote "All Bad"

So it all really started this summer...

As i look across the blackened sky with tears clouding my vision, I realize once again that life is a bitch, and she just raped me again. With the pain of my broken pride but not so broken bones I pick myself up to make a journey I thought I'd never. Face scarred, hands still shaken, rage, resentment, remorse all swallowed into one frustrated trot away from all I'd ever known.

You see she was my all and all, God stragetically placed her there to bring me through, had her on assignment but Satan is crafty and busy as usual. He wedged himself right inbetween what we thought to be our happy home. Something for us that was well over due. You see we were never your average family, I was never the average kid. Mom did what she had to, maybe sold some mary jane here and some powder there. Although if she had known then what she knows now, I think she would have made better choices. But I never spent a day hungry, but I spent many a nights lonely. Only me and her, she was my all and all, all Ive ever known.


So imagine somebody telling you that everything you know and have ever leanred in life is a lie? Ha ha, imagine someone "turning your world upside down, tearing asunder your illusions, and sending the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you." Can you even imagine what that shit would feel like? Me neither and I thought I'd never have to.

I keep a steady pace as I walk through the poisoned streets of Notheast DC. Not really on alert although at this time of night I should be. Too guarded and flustered by the recent events to actually take into account any safety precaution. And too far gone to care even if the worst were to happen. Ha I laugh to myslef, "If I were kidnapped and killed right now, they would actually realize how much they care" ha ha, i burst out once more with a sadistic yet cynical laugh. A reoccuring thought to me though of how my death would move them but in life am i nothing?




But thats all for now cause its late and Im feeling so tired, having trouble sleeping....


...To be continued

Control?

As much as I don't like to admit it, the truth of the matter is my blog doesn't really belong to me. As much as Id like to say and feel confidently saying, this is Frankie's blog, I absolutely cannot. Our blogs belong to the people who inspire us, the people who give us the creative genius, the people who influence our thoughts and emotions. Its really in their hands, we cant effectively blog and say this is completely for me and no one else. So I believe its my time to make a disclaimer, what you may see here you may not like but its time to get real with myself and really spill it on how I feel. Its time to take control and take ownership of what is essentially supposed to be mine. Its my work, my thinking processes, my typing, my pondering, so it should be my blog, and I am taking possession.

Call me a Bohemian, its okay!

Okay so im really feeling the love guys, like no seriously, like yall got me on some bout to cry type shit, lol I know im a lil bitch for sayin it but im feelin the LOVE.

To Leandria Tia Lott aka Mary Jane, Lott Roxx, Kidz Bop, Numba 5, my Back:

Member how we had that convo about how you felt like people are supposed to be in your life and you feel like if they never were life wouldnt be the same. You are it!!!! It jus omg so much joy and laughter and everything came with meeting you, and again I thank God for you everyday!

To Dorian Michele (with one L) Townsend, Dori T., I got the door Dor, sup shawty, wut it do

So lemme tell you the story, we've been in choir together since Freshman year and you always looked like a cool person to me. I would see you and I knew that you were different. Different good, different like me, different different than me too. I feel you tho on the friends no matter how many you get you'll always be the loner tho. Cause sometimes I feel like such an individual that nobody will ever really understand me, but Dorian I think you get it! To an extent I think you jus get it!

To Maya Matthews aka Lois Lane, Mizz Maya, maya-maya, Old skool rapper extraordinare

Man, where do I start, these three weeks seem like a life time. To you Maya Id like to say Thank you! Thank you for broadening my scope of things freeing my mind jus a little more than I already was. Thanks for the pick in up in life. Your like crack straight up, who cant love you Maya, its impossible not to! And if people dont FUCK them!!!! Cause ur dope, your awesome, you are rivetting and to you again I say, Thank you.

Soooooooooooo, yea thank you guys all of you, I love you to death! Thanks for excepting me and loving me right where I am and for exactly who I am. Normal people see me and they dont get it, Ive been different all my life, never knew why jus was that way, and I excepted very early in life that I was gonna be the person I was, do what I like, and really not give a crap if people didnt like it. Thanks for likin me cause it doesnt come by easy. Yea people may admire me, people may be intrigued, people mave have pretenses but yall see pass the outer and know its just an extension and expression of the deeper me. All the colors and patterns and styles are an expression of how I feel about life, how I feel about love, about truth, beauty and freedom!

-Frankie, Frank Frank, Sunflower, Front, Frankie S.