Thursday, February 26, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thank God for not making me a quitter....
and for all of YOUR people who think they know me and think and know what Im going through, let them live a day in my shoes, let them live a day of all the bs then tell me how they would react or feel. Im sick of the people who are just out here to put you down, you dont know me, and I DONT want your opinion, or yours, or yours and especially not YOURS!
Man, Im out
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Pregnancy and Feed the children infomercials DO NOT MIX! I was nearly bawling when I saw the little Nigerian boy Alex trying to take care of this 3 younger brothers all alone. They were eating something wheat-based out of a silver basin, and Alex didnt eat at all because he was feeding his brothers. I need a nap before I become any more emotional.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Even <---her outfit will look better than ours.
Well anyway, today was a great day might I add. Very sisterly endeavours indeed! ha ha I crack myself up. But you know the wear and tear of things gets a little stressful and you just slowly lose patience. SOOOO SAI was out all day from shopping for out next musicale, to shopping for rush, to decorating and planning (which was someone elses job, might I add)
But none-the-less it was worth it and fun
We literally just got back from the days festivities, (its 12:30 am here, we left at 12:00 noon) got into it with the people at McDonalds because they cant count, or hear for that matter. BUT to top it all off when I got back to my room, there was one of those lovely little blue stationery's under my door from my roomate tiffany. So she says
Hey Frankie! Could you remember to wipe the toothpaste out the sink and off the counter when you are done brushing your teeth. Thanks in advance...
Now I can do nothing but laugh at this, and in my usual state I would have let it roll off, like all the other little nit-picky bitchy things she does. (She is a great person by the way) (Just highly annoying)
So in my angst I get a piece of blue construction paper (lol) tear it in half and write
Hey Tiff, not to be rude but Ive only been here 3 days and you've already found something to complain about. At this current time I just really dont have the patience for your nit-picking. Thanks in advance for not taking this offensively I just wanted to let you know early.
P.S. No I don't want to talk about it.
And I slid it under her door, now its time for bed, ha ha, I crack myself up.
Friday, February 6, 2009
And for that matter Im still young and Im probably still dumb.
I believe I have fallen out of love with love.
You know the kind that you hear about, happy endings and all that nonsense. Yeah you can still be happy dont get me wrong im not trying to be a pessimist here, but there is a certain quality of REAL love that is hidden from you until you reach it...
Love isnt nice all the time
it doesnt even like you half the time
love can be mean, rude, annoying, and downright difficult.
love wants the best for you but doesnt really know how to obtain it
love makes mistakes, has flaws, and bad breath in the morning
love is NOT perfect!!!
May I repeat LOVE IS NOT PERFECT!!!
it never was, it never will be, its like that last five pounds that you just cant loose, and secretly you dont need to loose it cause it makes you look great!
but somewhere along the lines I have fallen out of love with the idea of love.
some will judge me for this,
I just dont want it anymore, I dont strive for it,
NO I dont want to go sit under a tree and watch the birds fly
NO I have no desire to share my ice cream cone and clean the drippings from your face
NO I dont want to see the panoramic view of the city tucked into your sweater on a brisk fall night
NO I dont want to fall alseep tucked under your shoulder, unashamed by our nakedness
NO I dont want to ride the metro because we are so engrossed and have nothing better to do
NO I dont want to play video games, listen to the latest music, or go on stupid diets
NO I dont want you over every weekend, I dont want my family to love you
NO I dont want to impress you with the taste of my cooking skill
NO I dont want candy, or roses, or poems, or diamonds!!!
(well maybe the diamonds, but I dont want YOU to buy them)
NO I dont want to have this ridiculous obsession with love
what it was supposed to be
what it could be
and what it should have been
as Ewan McGregor said in the Moulin Rouge before leaving the stage and possibly leaving love forever
"Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love"
yea Ewan, I believed once too.
I mean not just the glimpses of things that we remember and things that are clouded because we have blocked them. Not how we remember in our own bias perspective, but a real look. An unbiased, straight forward look into your past, would you really want to?
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
This week was indeed a stressful one, I had a prenatal appointment in GA, leaving me to have to make up all the work from my monday classes. Evrything sorta just piled on, and on top of that I had a room check scheduled for today. I actually had a fairly productive day, wasnt in a sour mood but not nessisarily chipper either. Classes went decently, I got my work done and my test in History was postponed.
However because I had been up since 7, got into a huge fight with Josh, and cleaned my room, by the end of the day with no food to keep me going I was literally exhausted. Was spose to have dinner with friends but plans fell through, no biggie just irritating, but we all know what comes after irritation especially when cold and hunger is invovled. So since I have to just eat something quick, I go to the sub. I ALWAYS get a grilled chicked wrap, if they have no grilled chicken then I go somewhere else thats how crucial it is. So I order my food and come to find out, after Ive already paid, that they have no wraps!
So im like thats just great, after minutes of deliberating I decide to get a sub. The fool behind the counter asks me what I want on it. Now granted the standard sanwich comes with meat and cheese. Those are the basics, that is a logical assumption to make, we've all been to fast food/deli places you know how it goes. So I tell him lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers. "Any thing else?" he asks. i tell him umm yea cheese too, just to make sure he put the cheese on there so he puts on the cheese, toasts the sandwhich and I leave. Before I can come home, I have to stop by Josh's to pick up some things, so I go get my stuff, mind you we arent the best of friends right now, words are exchanged and I get my stuff and leave....
this again is where Im faced with the dilemma of being strong or letting go:
In all honestly I didnt even know which one to choose, and I didnt realize my choice until I was already reaching for the doorknob, taking my things and leaving without so much as a goodbye.
I reach my apartment in exasperation, he has followed to help me. I tell him I dont need help. And he replys "I just have something to say" Now mind you I havent eaten, its cold outside, and Im carrying a handful of grocery bags amongst other things. He follows me in and unfortuantely me roomate is at the dining room table, so I have to save face and continue to invite him inside.
He is talking and Im opening my food cause im just tired of being stressed, tired of fussing, tired of everything. I open my sandwhich and there is no grilled chicken, just meat, bread, and an assortment of veggies.
So I crack, I couldnt take it anymore, I cried, I broke down,
I chose BOTH....
strong enough to get through the bit that was left but way too much to just swallow and not release. Boy what a day. The only thing to do now would be...
just keep pushing, continue to work, stay focused, until the next time..
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
My mom is one of a kind, Ive seen and heard it all with her. But nobody will expect this one. My mom had made it up in her mind that she is not to be called
none of the above
So she has been in ponderance for the last month in a name for the baby to call her, and she has indeed chosen the name...
My mom is a trip, so in immediate protest, I say ma! the baby is not gonna call you dutchess...
Here is how it went
My name is dutchess!
That's what the baby gonna call me insted of grandma
that is not what the baby is gonna call you
I think that cute, not nanna or grandma
Well see what the baby says first
every body gonna want the baby to call them grandma
like who ma?
There can only be ONE and thats DUTCHESS
and josh mom
josh mom should come up with her own name. like grandma sue or peggy
ha ha ha ha ha
you kno u aint right ma
But 4 real DUTCHESS IS COOL MAN!
THAT'S WATS UP!
U EVEN LIKE THAT
its catchy but i could jus imagine that baby running around callin u dutchess
ha ha ha
wat that mean
I could just imagine the baby running around saying "Dutchess, Dutchess"
Absolutely not! So here you go world, meet Dutchess!