Friday, February 6, 2009

Out of love with love <3

You want so badly to say "yeah I was just young and dumb, didnt really know what I was doing" and although that may be true you know in your heart no matter how young or dumb you were, it was still real. It still meant something, it happened for a reason.

And for that matter Im still young and Im probably still dumb.

I believe I have fallen out of love with love.

You know the kind that you hear about, happy endings and all that nonsense. Yeah you can still be happy dont get me wrong im not trying to be a pessimist here, but there is a certain quality of REAL love that is hidden from you until you reach it...

Love isnt nice all the time
it doesnt even like you half the time
love can be mean, rude, annoying, and downright difficult.
love wants the best for you but doesnt really know how to obtain it
love makes mistakes, has flaws, and bad breath in the morning
love is NOT perfect!!!

it never was, it never will be, its like that last five pounds that you just cant loose, and secretly you dont need to loose it cause it makes you look great!

but somewhere along the lines I have fallen out of love with the idea of love.
some will judge me for this,

I just dont want it anymore, I dont strive for it,

NO I dont want to go sit under a tree and watch the birds fly
NO I have no desire to share my ice cream cone and clean the drippings from your face
NO I dont want to see the panoramic view of the city tucked into your sweater on a brisk fall night
NO I dont want to fall alseep tucked under your shoulder, unashamed by our nakedness
NO I dont want to ride the metro because we are so engrossed and have nothing better to do
NO I dont want to play video games, listen to the latest music, or go on stupid diets
NO I dont want you over every weekend, I dont want my family to love you
NO I dont want to impress you with the taste of my cooking skill
NO I dont want candy, or roses, or poems, or diamonds!!!
(well maybe the diamonds, but I dont want YOU to buy them)
NO I dont want to have this ridiculous obsession with love

what it was supposed to be
what it could be
and what it should have been

as Ewan McGregor said in the Moulin Rouge before leaving the stage and possibly leaving love forever

"Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love"

yea Ewan, I believed once too.

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