Friday, May 29, 2009

Passing thought

Not to get all serious and anything but...

I finally figured out what is worse then being pregnant and the father of the child is unsupportive, absent, and edging on worthless, being married to that man...

The Worst Mistake : (

I made the biggest mistake of my pregnant life last night...

So I got home really late and exhausted after a day full of activities, I went to the WIC office, I got some milk yall! I went to my aunts job, mind you she works at an elementary school with little bad Pre-k through 6th graders, i dont have to explain the horrors in that, and I also went to a 6 o'clock movie, which is kinda late for me, I saw angels and demons it was pretty good.

But anyway before I actually got home, I was sitting at the Deanwood metro station waiting for the bus to come. And this guy walks by and basically tries to holla at me, the convo went something like this

"How you doin?" the boy asks continuing to walk past me.

"Hi, how are you?" I greet him back politely thinking thats the end of that.

"Can I call you sometimes?" he asks from about 5 feet away

"Umm, No I'm afraid not." I respond

"Why not?" he asks

I gently put my hand on my belly and say "Well things are kind of complicated right now"

"It aint no problem with me" the boy replies

I begin to chuckle astonished by the fact he doesnt mind that Im beyond noticeably preggers.

"You got a boyfriend, you still with yo baby daddy?" he asks

"No" I reply, an obvious grin on my face.

"Oh shit" the boys says as he proceeds to run back and sit next to me

I was truly amazed by the fact that he didnt care that I was pregnant, and even implied that he would take care of the baby and I. One great thing about being pregnant is that the boys will still try to holla but once they get a confirmation that you are indeed pregnant they back off. Dusty DC boys always have a motive so I begin to ask him questions about what he does. Reg flag one, he cannot give me an honest answer about his job description, he's a drug dealer. Red flag two, I told him I was in college and he immediately became disinterested. Red flag three, he didnt even like my quirky and somewhat sarcastic sense of humor, it was way over his head. So he walked away simply dumb founded, he probably thought I was just some hood rat that got knocked up, oh how wrong he was, lol.

Sooooo, the bus finally comes and I get home. Its hot as hell in the house, I mean the thermostat is reading 81 degrees inside the house! I cannot escape the heat so ma tells me to turn on the air and close all the windows. The coolest place in the house is the second room but there is nowhere to sleep in there, so I got some blankets and decided to sleep on the floor. LOL stupid me. I woke up in the middle of the night in soooo much pain, my back was on fire, I could barely stand up. I picked up my blanket and got in the bed with ma.

I will never ever do that again... my body is still sore : (

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Welcome Back

Said the city with flying colors, well maybe not flying, but there were definitely blue and red streams of light accompanied by mild sirens. So its Friday night, nothing is really poppin so I fall asleep, as usual, to adult swim, the Oblongs were just about to come on when I found the remote and hit the off button. Mom and I are sleep when we hear this loud crash and the smell of burning rubber, mind you by this time its 3:30 am and I was completely startled. I woke up almost crying and hyperventilating until ma calmed me down, I'm so dramatic, ha ha. But anyway we hear a crash and see the suspects fleeing the scene right from our bedroom window, you can only get this kinda stuff in the city!!! The suspects, black males in white wife beaters, are outside our house on the corner contemplating what to do being though they just crashed the stolen car into a parked car a little ways down the hill. The police arrive, then the EMT's, then a fire truck, so it looks like the circus outside on the corner of 51st and Jay. The more honorable suspect decided to stay and was apprehended by the police and handcuffed to my neighbors fence, meanwhile somebody across the street is persistently yelling "There he go right there, dont let him go, dont let him go!" The police continue to question him and he gives his share of erroneous answers, his story went from

"I wasn't in the car"


"I was there, but I wasn't driving"


"I saw somebody else crash the car and run"


"Ok, I was in the car but he held a gun to my head and made me drive and when we crashed he ran away"

No, I'm not making this up, so finally he admits to what he did and begins to cry saying he doesn't want to go to jail because just like the officer he has a newborn at home (I guess from a previous part of the convo when I wasn't eavesdropping well enough) The officers then proceed to read him his rights and our good friend the car thief was then hauled away for holding, because its a holiday weekend he probably wont get processed until Tuesday. Dont commit crimes on Friday folks!!!

So the city has welcomed me home with open arms and because I have a hyper active imagination instead of going back to sleep all I can think of are the million other ways that scenario could have played out tonight.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Life needs a delete button..

Because this whole carrying your baby and still being in love with you while you silently ravage my heart with each passing day that you dont pick up the phone to just dial and say hey, say bye, say something!!! thing is getting old. Because the nothing is tearing me apart. The silence is killing me, I want you to want to call me, I want you to want to feel my belly when he kicks, I dont want jasper, jacob nor tim, because unfortunately it was none of them who penetrated me with their seed, so it isnt them I need, I need you.

No, what am I saying? I need that damn delete button.

Monday, May 18, 2009


My Pan Pipes came today, and my mom got water on it : /

Friday, May 15, 2009

I think Im ready...

for summer '09!!!

You know ever since I found out I was preggers Ive been a TLC, A&E, Trutv junkie, I like any show that is about real life. Consequently I watch alot of Baby and Wedding shows and everytime I watch them I'm mentally preparing myself for real life, lol. Needless to say I just think Im growing up, Im coming upon a different place in my life and Im wanting different things than I used to. Its not a bad thing, its just different, and Im ready to embrace the change and live the happy full and adult life that God had destined me to live. Now dont get me wrong, just cause you grow up doesnt mean you cant still have fun, you dont have to be stiff and you can even maintain relationships with those friends who arent as far along as you in the Life category, you just have a greater sense of purpose and resposibility that they cant understand just yet in their lives. But Im so excited, Im excited about everything, I cant wait to meet Kohl and the way he's kickin Im sure he's ready to meet me too <3

No greater love...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A letter for you...

Today I have come to realize why my mother is the way she is.... Not her as a total person but why she asks so many questions about the future and what exactly I plan to do about the baby. The fact of the matter is she is under alot of financial stress much of which isnt even her fault but because of someone else who was too lazy to do their job. Had the DC govt been more thorough she wouldnt be in a lot of the mess she is in right now. Despite that, because I know God will make a way even when we as people cant see it, I have truly come to understand now and I am grateful for the enlightenment.
At the end of the day what Ive come to realize is that the burden of my whole mess falls back on her. I'm pregnant, so I obviously cant work to save any money for my baby that is due in July. You are in GA with no source of income and nowhere even for yourself to stay. Everything unfortunately falls back on her, she has the world resting on her shoulders right now and I refuse to be her added burden. I dont know how this is going to work or what is going to happen but WE the people who created the ordeal need to get a plan. We need to work together, there is no more time for you do you and Imma do me, because thats not how this baby was created. The baby was made with us together and the solutions for its livelihood should be made the same way. I refuse to stand in the kitchen and see my mother cry again on the phone with the mortgage people, trying to explain to them that she has a daughter in college who is about to have a baby. This will not be her burden because she did not create the ordeal. The baby is a blessing so lets come up with solutions so it can live a blessed life.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

I'm back in DC and having a baby :) Happy mothers day self...