When certain situations arise you ask yourself, is it time to just suck it up or do you break down and let your emotions rest where they may. I guess I made my choice and it actually shocked me.
This week was indeed a stressful one, I had a prenatal appointment in GA, leaving me to have to make up all the work from my monday classes. Evrything sorta just piled on, and on top of that I had a room check scheduled for today. I actually had a fairly productive day, wasnt in a sour mood but not nessisarily chipper either. Classes went decently, I got my work done and my test in History was postponed.
However because I had been up since 7, got into a huge fight with Josh, and cleaned my room, by the end of the day with no food to keep me going I was literally exhausted. Was spose to have dinner with friends but plans fell through, no biggie just irritating, but we all know what comes after irritation especially when cold and hunger is invovled. So since I have to just eat something quick, I go to the sub. I ALWAYS get a grilled chicked wrap, if they have no grilled chicken then I go somewhere else thats how crucial it is. So I order my food and come to find out, after Ive already paid, that they have no wraps!
So im like thats just great, after minutes of deliberating I decide to get a sub. The fool behind the counter asks me what I want on it. Now granted the standard sanwich comes with meat and cheese. Those are the basics, that is a logical assumption to make, we've all been to fast food/deli places you know how it goes. So I tell him lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers. "Any thing else?" he asks. i tell him umm yea cheese too, just to make sure he put the cheese on there so he puts on the cheese, toasts the sandwhich and I leave. Before I can come home, I have to stop by Josh's to pick up some things, so I go get my stuff, mind you we arent the best of friends right now, words are exchanged and I get my stuff and leave....
this again is where Im faced with the dilemma of being strong or letting go:
In all honestly I didnt even know which one to choose, and I didnt realize my choice until I was already reaching for the doorknob, taking my things and leaving without so much as a goodbye.
I reach my apartment in exasperation, he has followed to help me. I tell him I dont need help. And he replys "I just have something to say" Now mind you I havent eaten, its cold outside, and Im carrying a handful of grocery bags amongst other things. He follows me in and unfortuantely me roomate is at the dining room table, so I have to save face and continue to invite him inside.
He is talking and Im opening my food cause im just tired of being stressed, tired of fussing, tired of everything. I open my sandwhich and there is no grilled chicken, just meat, bread, and an assortment of veggies.
So I crack, I couldnt take it anymore, I cried, I broke down,
I chose BOTH....
strong enough to get through the bit that was left but way too much to just swallow and not release. Boy what a day. The only thing to do now would be...
just keep pushing, continue to work, stay focused, until the next time..