Yayy Art

Art gallery here we come, field trip anyone?

Boyfriend neone cont...

And I dont think he likes us much...

oh well

Boyfriend neone?

umm iono wut the hell is wrong with me. Im honestly upset and kinda mad right now. But I cant tell you why. All i know is that I wanna be loud, rude, curse and wreck havoc on something, someone, somewhere. Iono if I like Maya's new boo, he aiight but it takes me 4ever to warm up to people. I wanted to go to the student center today but there was jus no time. This day was full and it went by fast. Not to mention me and Josh arent the best of friends right now but hey, iono. Autumn was breating all on his arm today and she actually touched him. ehh. me and dori were freakin awesome today but thaas it. That was the best part of my day. ehh.

Frankador, Dorifran, Micinique, Lancele, lol nevamind

So I know this girl and she is freakin awesome. we are similar in alot of ways but we are different. But sometmes we are so alike that its scary lol. Sometimes we say the same sentences at the same time with the exact same inflections. This girl is gonna kill me cause my last sentence had no commas; she is a grammar freak, jus like me. Im coming to realize how so very special she is to me. Not that i didnt  know before but the likeness is uncanny. Its so weird. She is my twin from another mother, a completely different city, different upbringings and we are the same person. She is in some way referenced in 4 out of the 6 posts on my blog and since you are here at this very moment this post makes it 5. 

I heart her cause she is the best, my twin, Dori t.  

In my mind

Good and evil, dark and light are one I the same…

So I really don’t like this topic but because I don’t have money for books this is the only one I over heard because I was half listening. I don’t believe this topic in fact I think jus the opposite. I tried to make myself see their perspective but it didn’t work. Maybe if they explained what they meant. I tried to take it as negation but that didn’t work either cause if light and dark and good and evil cancel eachother out wut will be left? I keep thinking of black and white I mean will the universe jus be gray? Lolol its so weird to think about it. I love my friends but they are entirely exhausting. I don’t like this exercise. Its dumb. I see where she is comin from but its still dumb. Ha! Ive been told I create good images, but iono cause its jus me bein me. My writing teacher is weird cause you cant really grade poetry but if you could I wonder what grades I would have received. My phone is completely off. Isn’t it sad? : ( but yea iono. Josh gave me and assignment of writing a poem by sat. ehh sometimes I wish I could just pry into other people’s head space to see what they’re thinking. That would be revolutionary and I’d be able to understand people so much more. Not that I don’t get them jus that its hard for me to care if they don’t catch my interest. And that concept I know is somewhat self centered but idk how to come outta my own head space. I think that’s part of the reason im such an individual cause I do wut I do and I like what I like and if you don’t do it or don’t like it. Oh the fuck well ho cause this is me. (dori moment) lol. So I guess ill blog this free write. Why not?

Running

I run away from everything...
I run from happiness
I run from pain
I run from reality
I run from my dreams
I run from nightmares
I run from my talent
I run from my failures
I run from my family
I run from my friends
I run from my life

and life runs from me...

So oh well

Me and dori jus had an epiphany. So now my version of it is:

so oh well

A title cause dori made me put one

Im not exactly sure how I feel, its kinda random actually but I know I just feel like writing. ha ha its funny cause as much as it can appear like everything is alright there is always something wrong in the back of everyones head.

So lets get nitty gritty honest...

Im not satisfied with life
Im not satisfied with school
I know somewhere and somehow there is so much more for me
I hate the mundane
Im falling into a routine and coincidently its routinely ruining my life

ha!

I think im in my own world all the damn time, its so hard to see outside yourself

Ideal life?

Somewhere warm, nice breeze, beautifully green, picking berries, writing, making music, making love, loving life

So I guess this is my version of this that and the other, point blank period, and ready set go, and in actuality I need a really fetch title to make it all fit but I cant think of one.

so oh well

Parties???

I feel like a party promoter: The destroyer of collegiate success, the scum of academic achievement.

Well fuhdahsheeit

You know I really see why people have so much drama in their lives. they have drama cause they want drama. I'm sorry but I did nothing to you and you arent gonna make me feel like I need to get on my knees and grovel just so you can part your lips to speak to me. In fact you're doing just the opposite, you are making me dislike you, ok to get to the core of how you are really making me feel toward you, you are making me detest your very existence and other people like you, you are like rotting meat and no one like rotting meat. lol. Ok maybe tht that bad but you sure are getting on my damned nerves. And I almost spoke to you today, then I caught myself cause I had to think and remember that you werent speaking to me, lol. You see how dumb this is? It is a natural thing for me to want to speak, im so used to it but i have to censor myself because you decided to be mad at me for no reason. And even if in some way I did offend you the grown up thing to do is to inform me of my offense. Not walk around with an attitude cause you are the only one mad sweetie not me. But yea it only takes once to cross me, you had your chance, so even wen you are done with your fit, we are through.

dori moment
P.S. I think ill speak to you anyway just to be spiteful, lol

P.S.S. sprngohsisgahprahlums

fuhdatsheeit and gitdafuhovaitho

Birds

Anxious, pounding, fearful

crawling, falling, failing

reasoning, rationing,

But getting nowhere..

From time to time I have these motivational spurts where I feel like i can do anything and everything. And from time to time I become so apathetic that I feel like I will literally sleep life away.

I feel guilty when..

I miss class

I eat too much 

I don't pray

I think mean thoughts

I say things without processes them

I get really angry

Where I need to be?

Somewhere in the middle

But birds can fly so high or they can shit on your head...but when you look at them and you see that they're beautiful thats how I feel about.....life

dori moment

So Josh and I are eating lunch we just sat down in the sub after getting our food. Then the random ass light skinned african from choir comes and sits down at our table. Talkin bout "WASSUP MY CHOIR PEOPLE" Nigga yo ass aint even in choir no more and you defintely werent invited to sit down at our table. But thanks for inviting yourself and runing my lunch with your "so hows the weather" random convo. And no I dont have a music appreciation book for yo ass, its on ebay. pay for it ho!

Billy

Here is the poem I was working on, I finally finished it... well I might work on it more but here goes..


Billy

He walks the 4 blocks it takes to reach the corner gas station
Purchases his pack of vanilla blunts
Ready to spark
And go away where it won’t hurt no more
Where the cold aint cold no more
Where the dreams aint broke no more
Cause the tears wont fall no more
He leaves knowin he has not the time
For shallow thoughts and petty exertions

On his way, he meets his good friend, Reality
He looks up cause the junkie marks the spot
Passes off the rock, pockets the 20
Passes off the 20, cause Sonnie
Used all her food stamps and the baby is hungry
He continues on his way
Knowin in his heart that this life wont pay
But he prays this one last meeting
Will seal the deal

He heard stories of the “king of crack”
Who built a narcotical dynasty
Created an army of addicts
Billy wants this to be his destiny
To run the trade, rule the streets
From Baltimore City to Washington, DC
Edmond approaches and Billy examines
Make the wrong move
And guns will be ablaze

Its hazy at first,
Rayful Edmonds true intent
But greetings are sent
And Billy’s stance becomes less intense
Edmond grows fond of him
Business interactions and agreements
Begin to send Billy up the chain of command
Trades in DC, Baltimore, NY, Carolina

Life’s lookin up and the papers stackin too
Until DCPD gets hold of the spill
Edmond gets life, no parole
Billy, 20 with good behavior 15
Now Sonnie is left with baby,
No father on the scene


-----------------------------------------------------------------

Look what i found on the internet last night when I was doin my research...

gangstabooks.com

Author JB brings you Dope Boys Volume I, the tales of the most infamous figures in the history of the illegal drug trade. Read about players that made millions and billions of dollars in the dope game. Dope Boys Volume I contains short biographies of over 31 major drug trafficking individuals and organizations. Below is a list of profiles covered in the book.

Billy Guy
A Bronx, New York resident that set up a profitable heroin operation in Baltimore.


Im pretty sure this is my dad, i have searched on the internet but I cant seem to find anymore information about him.

Marriage???

So im coming to realize that value's in the south are so much different than home. Marriage is like a common thing among the young. Its just so weird cause I almost feel like that's what's expected of me. Now granted, Josh and I are doing much better our relationship has reached new heights and in God things are how they are supposed to be. I dont see how anyone would choose to do it any other way. Well ok I lied I do see how they can because I did it for a long time. I did what I wanted to do, i was disobedient and I was punished for it more than most would ever know. But at the end of the day God's grace is so much more rewarding. Doing things for "right way" for lack of a better phrase is worth it. I'm just so happy that God has blessed us with each other. So I digress as for this marriage thing, OMG everybody is married!!!! And its kinda creepy. I guess its like a pregnancy scare, you never realize how many people are pregnant until you think you are yourself!! Lol and im saying this to say, you never really realize how many people are married until you consider it yourself.....

ha ha yes I know what you're thinking. So Frankie are you considering marriage, the one who always says she will probably just end up alone with three cats.

Lets just say I'm giving it thought and its actually more of a possibility than I have ever given thought. Marriage was just never one of those things I took seriously. And now since its becoming more of a reality I don't think its such a bad idea.

So now your thinking, this could only mean one thing.

Yes this means that I am absolutely and positively in love with Josh. I have let myself fall, I have let myself go. But guess what? God's got me, and since he said its gonna be alright than I have enough faith and I actually have the audacity to believe him. Cause even if by some small chance Josh does let me fall, guess who will always catch me?


Yep, you got it.

Bout time!!!

Im so proud of all my babies who finally changed their layout srry guys but tht shizz was gettin old!!!!!! Shouts out to Turq, Gent, and Wink, love you guys we will be 2gether again very soon. Miss ya!!!!

Brutal Honesty

Many times when we depart I feel so unfulfilled, I feel empty, and still feel lonely. I dont feel secure in us, I dont feel like you care as much. I dont feel like you listen to me. We leave eachother unhappily. We need to work on this thing called effective communication and we just dont have it. Alot of the time we run eachother away. At this very moment if I were to be honest I feel like I dont want to be with you at all... so im stuck once again being misunderstood.

Jus me

Ha, its funny how nobody in the world will ever truly understand you except for God. I believe that you can relate to everyone even in the smallest way, its true that you will relate more to some than others but still in some way you can relate. The thing about it is that as much as you do relate to a person they will never truly know and understand the workings of you. So you are stuck being misunderstood, now you can do two things about this which I was forced to learn at an early age

1) You can allow your differences from the so called "norm" to get to you, and you can allow people to make you feel bad because you are so

OR

2) You can take your differences in strides and be ur freakin self, and love yourself in spite of what people may say or think about you.

LOL, Ive have chosen the later of the two, and chances are the very people who dnt understand you or except you for ur differences want to be just like you. Besides its better to live a life with a few friends and be true to yourself rather than have many friends and have to fake the funk. Trying to be something or someone you aren't is exhausting and very unfulfilling. So the next time you see me and think to yourself, "Frankie is weird" just know that yes indeed I am weird, and I love myself, just the way I and that's something that no one can ever take away from me. You may not always understand me, you may think I'm different and weird but hey this is me. Take me or leave cause either way Ill still love me, and quite frankly Ill still love you too...

Rainbows

I am Lavender as a supple scent,

Periwinkle as the twilight sky,

Turquoise as the clearest ocean,

Magenta as whatever my heart desires,

Blue, green, yellow, orange, red, crimson, gold, mahogany, silver

And it is asking for him

but…

As the paint is chipped from the surface

You see without hazed vision

You hear without the sounds stifled

And he seeks that which is bound

Trapped between these walls

Struggling to push out my burdens

And lay them waste deep on the floor

So that they may not consume me

However, the world is becoming bleaker by the second

And soon the tears will be running

Down my face falling into a pool of shear disappointment

I was not yet ready for this appointment with reality

I was not yet ready to face me and the things that lye dormant

The fear……..….the regret………..the torment

Of knowin you feel me

But with me you cannot be wholehearted

Instead I Get Pieces.....

Of a broken past, these pieces from a mending heart

Trying to fix a puzzle that I didn’t start, didn’t ask to finish

But I digress, you see I'm trying not to stress

I just need to release before I let my love for you damage me

And make me incapable of falling in love with you

What do you do when your emotions are chocked up

And all you see is the dark tunnel,

no light….no sight……just black………how do you get back to

That happy place, that excited state,

where the world was your playground

and it didn’t take much for it to turn and go round

How do you get back without becoming a victim of your own demise?

I need some where to put all the baggage because

with each God forsaken decrepit day

Im feeling the saggage of love lost and relationships spoiled

Your mind is your greatest weapon and your path to destruction

You reap what you think.

And my mind is not in the greatest condition right now

So instead of Lavender scents and periwinkle skies

Its more dead puppies and gray scale rainbows

Consistency

One thing that I really cannot stand is inconsistency, especially if two people are supposed to be treated as equals. You cannot do something one day and wen the other persons does it, have a problem with it, be consistent. Again I say be effin CONSISTENT! Don’t say you are gonna do something and never call or show up, be consistent!!!!!!!! I beseech, behoove, and beg of you my brethren to be consistent!!!

Furthermore people make time for what really matters to them. A simple txt message, 30 sec of your day will not kill you! Even if the fallacy only occurred once, it only takes one time to get AIDS, it only takes one hurricane to drown a city, it only took one plane each to make the twin towers fall. You see where I'm going with this? So yea one time does count, if its remarkable enough it will stick with you. When your life gets too busy for the people you "so called" care about you should really reevaluate what is important. Life wasn’t too busy for dinner and video games was it? But everything is too busy for me right? Yea, back to that consistency theory, you should try it.

To be honest all I really want (as I was telling Dori earlier) is someone to play in my hair and tell me I'm pretty; someone to actually act like they care and not continually poke and prod at me with erroneously requests to things that are usually the norm. For you to take out some time in your busy day to say HI FRANKIE!!! Let alone give me a hug, and no you did not hug me, I remember. Next time instead of being nice about it, be consistent and say Bitch get OUT!, it'll make me feel 10x better that you were honest about your true intent instead of being led astray. Oh and another clue: when women run away, men chase after them, cause if you keep letting them go, eventually they wont come back.

"The scary thing about flying is that as wondeful as it feels, the idea of falling is always present. Yet I believe that together our hope and belief in flying is much greater than our fear of falling. All the more not to shy away from the wind, currents of change, problems, and disagreements, but to use it to fly even higher together."

-J. Allen