I Just Wanna...

I just wanna...

Read books and listen to the roar of the ocean



Decorate homes and make bows


Make love and maybe a little money


Enough to buy green machine and heartily thrift


Write music, poems and prose


Stay up until the sun rises


Never thinking of where the time has gone


No regrets, just cocktails and fist pumps to techno


Middle of the dance floor strobe lights abound


Dancing around white girl style


Glitter converse and bohemian patterns


Beauty, Truth and Love


Above all else, Love

Frankie, the never destined to be a great orator

I cried today, you know one of those silent cries where the absence of the audible tone makes the tears rush from your eyes and no matter how much you try to keep them at bay they become like a thrashing current.

And then they dry.

You look up with red eyes and foggy glasses at the people who haven't noticed or suspected a thing, and you sigh with relief because now at least you don't have to explain how much you feel like a fuck up every time the words that have formed so eloquently in your head and that have been so beautifully and wittily transcribed to paper, turn all the way to MUSH!
And so your angry, at yourself, at the assignment, and your peers who although they did not attempt to judge you, did so subconsciously. Not with snickers or teases as they do in elementary education, but with the solemn stare of "I'm so glad that's not me" or "Shes so smart why cant she just do this" or the heart wrenching stare of a friend who with their eyes say "Frankie, you can do this". The encouragement hurts worse than the defeat, because in my world that's been filled with parents callings of "Frankie, you can do anything" this is something that I simply cannot do.

Frankie, the never destined to be a great orator

People ≠ Groceries

People unlike groceries do not come with an expiration date. And in that I mean when you first meet someone you never know the last time you will see them, you never know when everything will come to an end. No one could have told me that certain relationships in my life would have ended so abruptly. And no one could have prepared me that when I spoke to her a couple of months ago, that would be the last time I'd hear her voice or that last summer would have been the last time I saw her face.
Always with a smile, forever with a heart to help people and a life purposed for something greater than her own. Its rare to meet people who look past themselves, peoples whose life journey has nothing to do with their own motives but everything to do with enriching the welfare of others. If I was ever lost on life's journey, if I ever was unsure about which path to take and where to go, I didn't have to look any further than what the Lord had already placed in my life.
And although I will never get a chance to say goodbye, a chance to let her know the impact she left upon my life, what I can do now is adopt her mission. A mission that she lived by every single day of her life, one that Im positive she exuded each day until she took her last breath. God makes no mistakes, in fact certain things transpire so that we may truly know our right path.

So thank you for everything that you've done. Thank you for your lasting impact, more people in this world should be like you, and from this day I will try to live by your selfless example.   

Taking it all back

Detoxing today because I've been eating rice like its water and I had a steak and a half over the course of 2 days! Ive done so well on this health journey and there is honestly no turning back now. I woke up this morning just feeling so heavy, literally and emotionally. I have to get my life back, and I have to stop running away. Running from myself and from the issues that make life exactly that, LIFE! Ish happens and the faster I face them the more quickly I will heal.

I went to Walmart and got some tea cleanser, splenda, spinach and a green machine. So for breakfast I had watermelon, a cup of spinach blended with 8 ounces of green machine and a bottle of water. And it was sooooo yumm!