A letter for you...

Today I have come to realize why my mother is the way she is.... Not her as a total person but why she asks so many questions about the future and what exactly I plan to do about the baby. The fact of the matter is she is under alot of financial stress much of which isnt even her fault but because of someone else who was too lazy to do their job. Had the DC govt been more thorough she wouldnt be in a lot of the mess she is in right now. Despite that, because I know God will make a way even when we as people cant see it, I have truly come to understand now and I am grateful for the enlightenment.
At the end of the day what Ive come to realize is that the burden of my whole mess falls back on her. I'm pregnant, so I obviously cant work to save any money for my baby that is due in July. You are in GA with no source of income and nowhere even for yourself to stay. Everything unfortunately falls back on her, she has the world resting on her shoulders right now and I refuse to be her added burden. I dont know how this is going to work or what is going to happen but WE the people who created the ordeal need to get a plan. We need to work together, there is no more time for you do you and Imma do me, because thats not how this baby was created. The baby was made with us together and the solutions for its livelihood should be made the same way. I refuse to stand in the kitchen and see my mother cry again on the phone with the mortgage people, trying to explain to them that she has a daughter in college who is about to have a baby. This will not be her burden because she did not create the ordeal. The baby is a blessing so lets come up with solutions so it can live a blessed life.

I'm back in DC and having a baby :) Happy mothers day self...

Its getting hot and its time to blog...

Hello blogger I know I havent befriended you in a while and thats because Ive been too busy living to actually sit down and write. Whew.......... things are starting to pick up pace and these last two weeks of school are indeed going to be trying. And on top of that the heat is causing normally sane folk to act a damn fool. I dont like the very first glimpses of summer, people dont know how to handle it.

So recap....

Life the past half month has actually taken a turn for the better, I couldnt be happier, school is great, Im looking at a 4.0 for the semester, yay me. Fraternity and friendships could use work but nothing too crazy, and the BD is actually doing a pretty good job, although I hate to call him that, how about FoC (hence the smaller case o for the preposition). Yea thats better. But umm he is doing well, and our relationship, or whatever it is, is moving in a positive direction.
Im starting to get way too pregnant, and the combination of heat and pregnancy is causing major irritation. Im gettin irritated over the most simple things now and frankly its quite stressful. I wish I could just turn my emotions off. And when I get overly frustrated I cry, when Im sad, I cry, when nothing is wrong, damnit I still cry, lol. I cant stand it!!!! This crying has to stop.

Sigh.... ok that feels better, toodles Blogger, im out this piece!

Im going through something... lol I know it sounds weird cause I seriously have been going through stuff for the last 1 2 3 4 5, last 7 months! But right now I am going through a different type of change. A good change I believe but also a not so good one. Im learning to be vulnerable again, Im taking my guard down.. ha ha and it sucks!

Its hard cause when you put on a tough front, thats all it really is, a front... but now that Im letting go I want things to be better instantly but it takes time. Not my time, not his time, but God's time. And thats where I am...

Yayy and Booo simultaneously

You know this was a great weekend, I got a breakthrough, had an awesome time with my sisters, and kinda released from school and the stress of everything that is going in life, so I cant complain at all, lol BUT....

Im slick mad cause people really dont do what they say they are gonna do. I was sick last week! I cant even miss class because people are unreliable and good for nothing! Well they may be good for something but they darn sure arent good for taking notes!!! Dang all I wanna do is pass my test but I cant even do that because I failed to get reliable sources, the girl didnt even email me the dag on notes. People are shady man...

I have a test average of 95 in this class, which is decent, and the lowest and I can get on this test and still maintain an A is an 85, that means I can miss 15% of the questions, that gives me plenty of room for error. Ok now I feel a little better. Im bout to get to bed, finally.

Nite

.......

I'm really just sick of everything,

If I could be terribly honest right now the truth hurts like hell. But I really feel like I don't even want this baby anymore, just so I could completely and utterly eradicate him from my life. BUT I CANT. So I'm stuck hating him and hating myself for my stupid decisions. For thinking just because he was educated, intelligent, and talented that he was different from any other Nigga. (excuse my language) No I'm sorry but Ive been fooled, cause at the end of the day he is still another Nigga, no better than the ones on the corner selling dope or working at the fast food joint. He ain't nothin, and I was fooled. I allowed myself to be tricked I thought it was gonna be different. He PROMISED it would be different and I believed him but he lied, and I lied to myself by believing him.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...