Marriage???

So im coming to realize that value's in the south are so much different than home. Marriage is like a common thing among the young. Its just so weird cause I almost feel like that's what's expected of me. Now granted, Josh and I are doing much better our relationship has reached new heights and in God things are how they are supposed to be. I dont see how anyone would choose to do it any other way. Well ok I lied I do see how they can because I did it for a long time. I did what I wanted to do, i was disobedient and I was punished for it more than most would ever know. But at the end of the day God's grace is so much more rewarding. Doing things for "right way" for lack of a better phrase is worth it. I'm just so happy that God has blessed us with each other. So I digress as for this marriage thing, OMG everybody is married!!!! And its kinda creepy. I guess its like a pregnancy scare, you never realize how many people are pregnant until you think you are yourself!! Lol and im saying this to say, you never really realize how many people are married until you consider it yourself.....

ha ha yes I know what you're thinking. So Frankie are you considering marriage, the one who always says she will probably just end up alone with three cats.

Lets just say I'm giving it thought and its actually more of a possibility than I have ever given thought. Marriage was just never one of those things I took seriously. And now since its becoming more of a reality I don't think its such a bad idea.

So now your thinking, this could only mean one thing.

Yes this means that I am absolutely and positively in love with Josh. I have let myself fall, I have let myself go. But guess what? God's got me, and since he said its gonna be alright than I have enough faith and I actually have the audacity to believe him. Cause even if by some small chance Josh does let me fall, guess who will always catch me?


Yep, you got it.

Bout time!!!

Im so proud of all my babies who finally changed their layout srry guys but tht shizz was gettin old!!!!!! Shouts out to Turq, Gent, and Wink, love you guys we will be 2gether again very soon. Miss ya!!!!

Brutal Honesty

Many times when we depart I feel so unfulfilled, I feel empty, and still feel lonely. I dont feel secure in us, I dont feel like you care as much. I dont feel like you listen to me. We leave eachother unhappily. We need to work on this thing called effective communication and we just dont have it. Alot of the time we run eachother away. At this very moment if I were to be honest I feel like I dont want to be with you at all... so im stuck once again being misunderstood.

Jus me

Ha, its funny how nobody in the world will ever truly understand you except for God. I believe that you can relate to everyone even in the smallest way, its true that you will relate more to some than others but still in some way you can relate. The thing about it is that as much as you do relate to a person they will never truly know and understand the workings of you. So you are stuck being misunderstood, now you can do two things about this which I was forced to learn at an early age

1) You can allow your differences from the so called "norm" to get to you, and you can allow people to make you feel bad because you are so

OR

2) You can take your differences in strides and be ur freakin self, and love yourself in spite of what people may say or think about you.

LOL, Ive have chosen the later of the two, and chances are the very people who dnt understand you or except you for ur differences want to be just like you. Besides its better to live a life with a few friends and be true to yourself rather than have many friends and have to fake the funk. Trying to be something or someone you aren't is exhausting and very unfulfilling. So the next time you see me and think to yourself, "Frankie is weird" just know that yes indeed I am weird, and I love myself, just the way I and that's something that no one can ever take away from me. You may not always understand me, you may think I'm different and weird but hey this is me. Take me or leave cause either way Ill still love me, and quite frankly Ill still love you too...

Rainbows

I am Lavender as a supple scent,

Periwinkle as the twilight sky,

Turquoise as the clearest ocean,

Magenta as whatever my heart desires,

Blue, green, yellow, orange, red, crimson, gold, mahogany, silver

And it is asking for him

but…

As the paint is chipped from the surface

You see without hazed vision

You hear without the sounds stifled

And he seeks that which is bound

Trapped between these walls

Struggling to push out my burdens

And lay them waste deep on the floor

So that they may not consume me

However, the world is becoming bleaker by the second

And soon the tears will be running

Down my face falling into a pool of shear disappointment

I was not yet ready for this appointment with reality

I was not yet ready to face me and the things that lye dormant

The fear……..….the regret………..the torment

Of knowin you feel me

But with me you cannot be wholehearted

Instead I Get Pieces.....

Of a broken past, these pieces from a mending heart

Trying to fix a puzzle that I didn’t start, didn’t ask to finish

But I digress, you see I'm trying not to stress

I just need to release before I let my love for you damage me

And make me incapable of falling in love with you

What do you do when your emotions are chocked up

And all you see is the dark tunnel,

no light….no sight……just black………how do you get back to

That happy place, that excited state,

where the world was your playground

and it didn’t take much for it to turn and go round

How do you get back without becoming a victim of your own demise?

I need some where to put all the baggage because

with each God forsaken decrepit day

Im feeling the saggage of love lost and relationships spoiled

Your mind is your greatest weapon and your path to destruction

You reap what you think.

And my mind is not in the greatest condition right now

So instead of Lavender scents and periwinkle skies

Its more dead puppies and gray scale rainbows

Consistency

One thing that I really cannot stand is inconsistency, especially if two people are supposed to be treated as equals. You cannot do something one day and wen the other persons does it, have a problem with it, be consistent. Again I say be effin CONSISTENT! Don’t say you are gonna do something and never call or show up, be consistent!!!!!!!! I beseech, behoove, and beg of you my brethren to be consistent!!!

Furthermore people make time for what really matters to them. A simple txt message, 30 sec of your day will not kill you! Even if the fallacy only occurred once, it only takes one time to get AIDS, it only takes one hurricane to drown a city, it only took one plane each to make the twin towers fall. You see where I'm going with this? So yea one time does count, if its remarkable enough it will stick with you. When your life gets too busy for the people you "so called" care about you should really reevaluate what is important. Life wasn’t too busy for dinner and video games was it? But everything is too busy for me right? Yea, back to that consistency theory, you should try it.

To be honest all I really want (as I was telling Dori earlier) is someone to play in my hair and tell me I'm pretty; someone to actually act like they care and not continually poke and prod at me with erroneously requests to things that are usually the norm. For you to take out some time in your busy day to say HI FRANKIE!!! Let alone give me a hug, and no you did not hug me, I remember. Next time instead of being nice about it, be consistent and say Bitch get OUT!, it'll make me feel 10x better that you were honest about your true intent instead of being led astray. Oh and another clue: when women run away, men chase after them, cause if you keep letting them go, eventually they wont come back.

"The scary thing about flying is that as wondeful as it feels, the idea of falling is always present. Yet I believe that together our hope and belief in flying is much greater than our fear of falling. All the more not to shy away from the wind, currents of change, problems, and disagreements, but to use it to fly even higher together."

-J. Allen